Domestic Mental Abuse

When an individual is subjected to behavior from their partner that induces feelings of depression or other traumatic emotions, they become a victim of domestic mental abuse.

The insidious nature of this behavior, persisting over time as the perpetrator seeks to gain and maintain total control over their partner, can take a toll on the victim. Often, the victim may rationalize what is happening or deny the occurrence of such abuse. Anyone, regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or socio-economic background, can become a victim.

Forms that mental or emotional abuse can take include:

• Verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming
• Isolation
• Intimidation
• Coercive behavior
• Controlling a partner’s finances and access to money

An abuser may also threaten physical violence or other repercussions, contributing to the victim’s mental anguish.

Mental domestic abuse can cause:

• Depression
• Prolonged sadness
• Fear
• Anxiety
• Panic attacks
• Loneliness
• Lack of confidence or self-esteem
• Feelings of guilt or self-blame
• A questioning sense of oneself
• Difficulties at work, study, or in other relationships
• Emotional exhaustion
• Trouble sleeping

Though individuals react differently to traumatic events and may not experience all the above, it’s crucial to remember, as Victim Support emphasizes in its guidance: “It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are normal and this is not your fault – only your abuser is to blame for their behavior.”

In the most extreme cases, it can lead to the victim abusing alcohol or drugs, suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts, having suicidal thoughts, or making attempts at suicide.

Walking on eggshells:

Even the home, where one should feel relaxed and away from the cares of the world, can become a place of great anxiety. The victim may feel tense, carefully watching every word or action to avoid provoking their partner into another outburst. Survivors often refer to this aspect of domestic mental abuse as ‘walking on eggshells.’

Fear of retaliation from the partner or outright denial that abuse is taking place may prevent victims from seeking the help they require. Feelings of shame, embarrassment, or a sense of failure as a person, especially among male victims, may also inhibit victims from seeking assistance.

The resulting lack of emotional support can add to the sense of fear, anxiety, depression, or isolation and lead to the use of illicit drugs, alcohol dependency, or even suicidal thoughts.

Longer-term effects:

After leaving an abusive relationship, survivors may experience lingering consequences, including feelings of hopelessness, unworthiness, apprehension, an inability to trust others, lack of motivation, questioning, doubting spiritual faith, discouragement about the future, and reluctance to start a new relationship.

Mental or psychological domestic abuse can significantly impact the victim’s emotional wellbeing and their ability to live life as they’d want. Avoidance of certain places due to bad memories associated with the ex-partner is not uncommon.

Emotional Scars:

It can take time for survivors to adjust to living in an ordinary, safe environment away from their abusive partner. The experience of having suffered mental abuse over a sustained period can haunt survivors for many years and impede their ability to live a full, varied life. While physical injuries often heal, the harder-to-spot emotional scars take longer to fade