Signs of Domestic Abuse & Violence
Signs of Domestic Abuse & Violence
The sad, unfortunate journey to becoming a victim of domestic abuse or violence often starts with small things which develop into big things. At first the events may seem trivial, but they build up into something terrible. The pleasure and enjoyment from living ebbs out of the victim’s life.
Early Warning Signs
Circumstances will be different in each relationship, but some early warning signs that it is on the road to being unhealthy is when one partner:
- Has bad butterflies, that dreaded feeling or headaches much of the time;
- Stops eating or sleeping properly;
- Stays in more often and sees less of family and friends to avoid arguments at home;
- Gives up having opinions of their own, believing their partner is right about everything;
- Has a feeling they are ‘walking on eggshells’, worried that certain actions or words will provoke their partner into an outburst; or
- Feels scared when their partner is angry because it is impossible to predict their behaviour.
Key things to look out for are when a partner finds they are under pressure to change who they are, or alter their behaviour, because they feel unsafe or are frightened about how their partner will react. From then on things often escalate into more serious forms abuse or violence.
Unhealthy Relationship
Signs a relationship has become unhealthy are when the abuser:
- Makes threats;
- Constantly criticises their partner;
- Makes them feel guilty if they don’t spend time with them;
- Steals from their partner;
- Hits, slaps or pushes their partner;
- Ignores their partner’s wishes and makes them do things they don’t want to, such as have sex;
- Cheats on their partner or accuses them of cheating.
Delving more deeply into the signs of an unhealthy relationship, we have outlined some of the ways perpetrators behave to gain control below:
Destructive Criticism & Verbal Abuse
Behavior such as shouting, mocking, name-calling, and insulting, as well as falsely accusing a partner of wrongdoing or engaging in verbal threats, can have profound effects. These actions may lead the targeted partner to become overly self-critical, questioning their appearance, engaging in erratic behavior, experiencing self-doubt, or developing a belief that they are fortunate to have a partner without whom they would struggle to cope
Showing Disrespect
Undermining a partner by disparaging them in the presence of family, friends, or others, publicly embarrassing them, ignoring or dismissing their communication, interrupting their phone calls, neglecting responsibilities such as childcare or housework, taking items or money without consent, or damaging their belongings, including cherished heirlooms, are all forms of harmful behavior that can contribute to a toxic and abusive relationship
Pressure Tactics
Engaging in behaviors like sulking, demonstrating jealousy and possessiveness, constantly wanting to know the partner’s whereabouts, threatening to withhold money, manipulating the partner into buying things, dictating their attire, restricting access to communication devices or transportation, adjusting heating controls to uncomfortable levels, taking the children away, spreading false information to the partner’s friends or family, coercing the partner into progressing the relationship beyond their comfort, or asserting that they have no say in decisions, can create an environment where the victim feels compelled to avoid expressing themselves to prevent upsetting their partner. This ‘walking on eggshells’ dynamic arises from fear of their partner’s unpredictable mood swings, akin to a Jekyll-and-Hyde scenario
Isolation
Monitoring or blocking phone calls, e-mails and social media accounts; telling a partner when and where they can and cannot go; preventing them from seeing friends and relatives; making no attempt to get on with their partner’s friends or family; or shutting them in the house
Breaking trust
Withholding important information from a partner; lying to them; being jealous; having other relationships; accusing their partner of flirting or having other relationships; or breaking promises and agreements
Harassment
Consistently monitoring a partner’s activities, following them, infringing on their privacy by opening their mail, going through their electronic devices (laptop, tablet, mobile), accessing emails or social media accounts, persistently checking their call history, or insisting on accompanying them everywhere they go, are all signs of invasive behavior that can contribute to a stifling and unhealthy relationship dynamic
Threats
Making angry gestures; using physical size to intimidate; shouting their partner down; using violent language; threatening to destroy a partner’s possessions; threatening to report them to the police, social services or the mental health team unless they comply with the perpetrator’s demands; pressurising a partner to use illegal substances; threatening to withhold medicines from a partner; threatening self-harm or suicide; deliberately scaring their partner; wielding a knife or gun; or threatening to kill or harm their partner, the children and/or family pets
Sexual Violence
Forcing a partner to look at pornographic material; forcing them to perform sexual acts they do not wish to; forcing them to have sex when they don’t want it; or forcing them to have sex with other people
Physical Violence
Engaging in any combination of physically restraining, hitting, pushing, shoving, pinching, slapping, punching, kicking, biting, pulling hair, burning, or employing methods such as holding by the neck or strangling represents a range of violent and harmful behaviors that can cause significant harm in a relationship
Denial
Unfortunately, it is a common occurrence for the perpetrator to deny the existence of abuse or attribute it to their partner’s alleged provocations. The perpetrator may claim a lack of control over their anger, yet present a calm and patient demeanor in public. They might resort to crying and pleading for forgiveness, assuring that the abusive or violent episode will never recur. However, despite these promises, the cycle often repeats itself